Manu Tuilagi smashes Tom Williams

Top14 player imposter!

JDV smashed by Benoit August

The Northampton Saints 30m scrum!

Bastareaud huge hit on Rory Lamont

All Blacks skills - Pt 2 In the backyard

Trinh-Duc sets up Harinordoquy try

Wales vs England 1999

Greg Holmes great hit on Francois Louw

Friday, August 21, 2009

Friday Funnies - How to stop Jonah Lomu, with Kearnsey's Chalkboard

In his prime, Jonah Lomu was pretty much an unstoppable machine. Incredibly powerful, fast, and agile for a big guy, Jonah troubled defences for many years.

We've come across this amusing clip that has former Australian hooker and captain Phil Kearns spotlighting his colleague's technique for bringing down the big All Black in 1999.

Many of you might remember Rod Kafer as a former Wallabies, Brumbies, and Leicester Tigers player. He is one of only two players to have won both the Southern and Northern Hemisphere's biggest trophies. The Super 12 with the Brumbies, and the Heineken Cup with Leicester. The only other player to do this is Doug Howlett with Auckland and Munster.

Kafer went on to coach Saracens for a short time, but has since moved on and put that wisdom to use as a TV pundit and occasional commentator. He has a slot called Kafe's Chalkboard on the Australian show The Rugby Club, in which he analyses and dissects different elements of the game.

Absent from the show last week for some reason, Phil Kearns and Greg Martin took over, deciding it was time to analyse Kafer himself.

The result was pretty funny, with some revealing footage being dug up from ten years ago. We felt it was worth sharing for the laugh, and as an excuse to show more of the great Jonah in action once again.

Time: 02:25



  • That was brilliant!!

    By Anonymous Lalla, at August 21, 2009 10:07 am  

  • BOOOOOOM! Lomu fucking destroyed.

    By Blogger Cameron, at August 21, 2009 10:12 am  

  • hahahahahahahahahahaahaha as always those ozzie commentators always kill me!!!!! hahahahah toooooo funny!

    By Anonymous pingpongjon, at August 21, 2009 10:27 am  

  • Phil Kearns cracks me up, great commentator. How good was Lomu in his prime! The guy is an absolute tank. Will be interesting to see his big come back in France.

    By Blogger Matt Y, at August 21, 2009 11:00 am  

  • Couldnt score against the mighty Springboks!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 21, 2009 12:00 pm  

  • Ah i love the aussie commentators, especially Kearns!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 21, 2009 12:12 pm  

  • Couldn't score against the 'mighty springboks'? wow! incredible post. that must mean the springboks have been the best team for the last 20 years if lomu couldn't score against you. you're amazing!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 21, 2009 12:24 pm  

  • It's fact 'Anonymous' #2.

    Pick a name guys.. so much easier to identify the idiots.

    Funny vid :)

    By Anonymous FrankyH, at August 21, 2009 12:25 pm  

  • hmmm... #3 even

    By Anonymous FrankyH, at August 21, 2009 12:27 pm  

  • Never said it wasn't FrankyH #1.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 21, 2009 12:44 pm  

  • @ captein stupid anonymous.
    oh look another fellow springbok fan has started blabing again. shut the fuck up and be the world no1 team with dignity you fuck head you make the rest of use look bad. Nobody gives a shit if jona never scored against us, while we were busy over marking him other players like tana umaga and rocockoco were scoring.

    By Anonymous sharkgeorge, at August 21, 2009 2:31 pm  

  • Absolutely brilliant! Funniest thing I have seen in a while! The defensive line especially! Kearns, Clarke, Martin all so good!

    By Blogger Wade, at August 21, 2009 3:12 pm  

  • @lalla than you for not pointing out the obvious (you were first)

    @anonymii get a name you weiners! stop spamming too please (you know who you are)

    brilliant video. that will teach him to leave his chalkboard behind. :)

    By Anonymous Stubb, at August 21, 2009 4:16 pm  

  • Great video. Best part's gotta be the drawing of his "perfectly straight" back, the "power in the quadriceps," and the guy still gets tossed.

    @sharkgeorge - Thank you for remembering that rugby is a team game, not like anon who'd rather have 15 Springboks covering 1 Jonah Lomu and every other AB on the team scoring try after try.


    By Anonymous realrugby, at August 21, 2009 4:46 pm  

  • to be fair, the Boks have always had a very strong defence game.
    Anyway, I'm feeling a bit sorry for the guy who got run over by him repeatedly (in the same way, Ryan Lamb gets run over by Tuilagi every year in the GP play off, and he's still trying...

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 21, 2009 4:59 pm  

  • why do saffers always go on and on about how Lomu never scored against them? It doesn't really matter considering he bulldozed there defence countless times, and the only way they could stop him making an impact was to poison him and the rest of the ABs before the World Cup Final. And im not a Kiwi by the way.

    By Anonymous The Schpoople Master, at August 21, 2009 7:06 pm  

  • He never scored against wales either. Too bad rokocoko and howlett made up for that lol

    By Anonymous WelshOsprey, at August 21, 2009 9:36 pm  

  • tooooooooo funny xD

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 21, 2009 10:42 pm  

  • He never scored against Canada either.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 22, 2009 1:01 am  

  • looooool perfect tackling position....

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 22, 2009 1:55 am  

  • Lomu is overrated, only did well because he was twice the size of other backs when the game was moving from amateur to pro. He'd be nailed nowadays. Another World Cup loser too.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 22, 2009 5:13 am  

  • @anon above
    Dude you are dreaming in technicolour. Please read FrankyH's comment.
    He was the fastest AB over 40m at the time ( i think 10.8 seconds for 100m). He weighed 125 kg (19 st 10 lb)/276 lbs and is 6ft5in 1.96m.
    How many backs come close to his size and pace even now?
    Who do you propose is going to nail him?
    And finally it is the team that loses not the player.
    NH person here.

    Having just watched this video again it is even more hilarious

    By Anonymous Stubb, at August 22, 2009 5:36 am  

  • "Lomu is overrated." Whatever. Ask Mike Catt if he thinks Lomu is overrated. Ask anybody that played against him if they thought he was overrated while they were designing their entire gameplan around him.

    And a million points to 'Stubb.' Anon, just who WOULD nail Lomu today?

    By Anonymous realrugby, at August 22, 2009 6:08 am  

  • Plenty of big wings about these days who would halve Lomu. He was only good because he was supersized playing against skinny amateur backs.

    People talk about Lomu and Catt, Lomu was 19st, Catt was 11st. It's a joke to talk up that run.

    The guy couldn't kick, positioning was poor, couldn't pass very well, average tackler considering the size he was compared to his opponents and he mostly relied on bulk to take on the opposition.

    He'd be an okay player these days in pro rugby nothing more and there certainly wouldn't be any of the ridiculous (over)hype around him.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 22, 2009 6:36 am  

  • Yeah anonymous i'd like to see tuilagi run 100m in 10.8 secs.
    If you think hes overrated you're either a bitter fan or have no clue about rugby.

    By Anonymous WelshOsprey, at August 22, 2009 7:07 am  

  • I think anonymous comments like these come from people are aren't happy with their own life and make up for it by not giving credit where it's due and tearing down other people.

    The sort of people who'd spit on Mother Teresa or deface the Mona Lisa.

    He's a legend that garners respect from everyone, regardless of team. So I doubt things like Lomu being overrated don't have much credibility.

    By Anonymous Phil, at August 22, 2009 9:23 am  

  • Lomu was amazing at breaking tackles.
    Unstoppable at times.
    Anyone who doesn't rate him is ignorant and a fool.

    By Anonymous Jon, at August 22, 2009 10:05 am  

  • It's always cowardly (mentally impaired?) 'Anonymous' guys who make the outrageous, insulting comments. It's easy to insult the man who effectively changed the game, but you cant work out how to use a name when posting your comment? I find that odd.

    Let's not forget that Lomu played most of his career with an illness.

    And Mike Catt still plays today, in 'professionalism', so if you stuck a fit lomu up against a Mike Catt today, there's a high chance the same thing would happen.

    Sure, players learnt how to tackle him, but it still took 2 or 3 of them to bring him down. By then, he'd crossed the game line and usually would offload in the tackle.

    He had his weaknesses, sure, but they were very rarely exposed and were weaknesses that other players possibly had too.

    No matter how much bigger and stronger wings are these days, there arent any that can compare to Lomu in terms of size, speed, and impact.

    And btw, the reason him not scoring against SA is a big deal, is because he played them 12 times. He played Wales 3 times, and incidentally played Australia the most times, at 13, scoring 6 tries.

    By Anonymous FrankyH, at August 22, 2009 10:17 am  

  • Lomu is the reason today that every professional lifts weights!!

    he was a monster back then while everyone was a skinny!!

    if it wasnt for him we wouldnt have the massive physical game we have today!!

    legend of a man!!

    By Anonymous creggs08, at August 22, 2009 11:47 am  

  • those aussie commentator suffer from braindamage i reckon. they laugh with silly silly things

    By Anonymous willyjoe, at August 22, 2009 4:54 pm  

  • Yup, another anonymous comment - skip over it all you sensitive folk...

    Lomu was a legend, and we South Africans are rightly proud that he didnt score against us - cos he was a machine!

    That said, have a gander at the bucketloads that Cullen and Wilson scored from the overlaps...

    I really wish he could have played more - none of the other modern day "big wings" compare.

    Call me biased if you must, but Habana and JP Pietersen are the best at the moment.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 22, 2009 5:32 pm  

  • Since people have bulked up since Lomu's day, making Lomu just a one-trick pony(not my opinion), surely if he was still playing top flight rugby then he'd bulk up too even more, or become more well-rounded. I mean you can only play what you're up against, and what he was up against didn't cause him many problems.

    By Anonymous Kearney for tests, at August 22, 2009 8:39 pm  

  • To those pointing out his weaknesses (passing, tackling, etc), remember that in '95 wingers weren't meant to do much other than be on the end of moves. With professionalism and the evolution of the game wingers need to have Full Back skill levels and responsibilities.

    Lomu was the first global rugby superstar and the game is better for having him. In the States most people don't follow rugby, but know who Lomu is. How many Americans have heard of Carter, Giteau, Wilkinson, Habana and so on.

    On the clip, can these guys come up here and take over from Barnes and that idiot Robson, we'll keep Greenwood, crap commentator but great analysis. No matter who Australia are playing there's never any bias, they just love a good game of 'footie'. Today's game a proves my point.

    By Anonymous Huh!! the 3rd, at August 22, 2009 9:38 pm  

  • Some of the gibberish written and overhyped idolatry about Lomu here is off the scale.

    The guy was twice the size of everyone, when you're that big compared to everyone else with a bit of speed it's a mismatch. It's like the PI kids who stomp all over the white kids at schools in NZ through being more developed at an earlier age. This isn't a test of skill. It's like putting Manny Pacquiao in to fight Evander Holyfield. Again not test of skill just a test of size.

    Those who idolise Lomu on here aren't appreciating rugby skill, they're just longing for the days they remember a guy on their team that was bigger than everyone else scoring easy tries.

    The guy didn't have a good rugby brain, he was one-dimensional with poor skills and was extremely fortunate to break through at the right time when pro players were still making the transition from amateurs and hadn't bulked up enough to handle the threat.

    Good luck to him he made the most of it, but let's not get it twisted, a great all round player he was not.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 23, 2009 5:46 am  

  • Wo guys the anymous springbok fan was just making a joke....I thought it was kinda funny. CHILL OUT!!

    By Anonymous Alex, at August 23, 2009 1:06 pm  

  • Jonah Lomu was still bigger and faster than most of the players who play now, there is nobody who even comes close to the power he had, maybe tuilagi at times, but to say he wouldnt have the same impact nowadays is just ridiculous.

    He was a freak of nature.

    By Anonymous Buttcramps, at August 24, 2009 5:01 am  

  • There are plenty of wings who would handle Lomu now.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 24, 2009 5:28 am  

  • Anonymous when he came to cardiff blues for a season 2/3 years ago it still took a few players to take him down. He also bounced off simon danielli (6ft 3 102kgs) mike catt style. He was still a level above wingers then.

    By Anonymous WelshOsprey, at August 24, 2009 10:57 am  

  • brilliant

    shame about the ashes tho.......................

    By Anonymous fridge, at August 24, 2009 12:37 pm  

  • Lomu is the greatest winger of all time! he changed the face of rugby and made the entire game play catch up. Sure everyone is bigger, faster and stronger now and lomu would not have same impact now, but he would still be the greatest attacking winger in the world if he was to enter the game now as a fresh-faced youngster .. well, if he learned how to kick lol.

    By Anonymous dr, at August 24, 2009 12:48 pm  

  • Lomu was larger than most forward are TODAY.
    He is faster than most wingers are TODAY.
    If he was given the same level of fitness and strength training players now recieve, he would be even strogner and faster than he was then.
    Defences are better now, but Lomu would still tear a hole in them.
    He was awesome, and played half of his career with a serious kidney condition, and still dominated.
    He was the real deal, not at all overhyped, and I suspect many of the people who think he was weren't around to see him at his best (which isn't as long ago as some people seem to think).
    Your an idiot if you can't see what a freak of nature and great player he was.

    By Anonymous Jon, at August 25, 2009 5:56 am  

  • I would love to see jonah trample over you idiots who say he's overrated. Clowns!!

    By Anonymous Jonahhhhhhh, at August 25, 2009 10:06 am  

  • nothing great about Lomu, zero skill

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 26, 2009 1:19 am  

  • Pfft... What an ignorant statement.
    You should probably stop pretending to know about rugby.

    By Anonymous Bill, at August 26, 2009 9:28 am  

  • He was 130kg and could do 100m in just over 10 seconds.
    There isn't a winger in the game today who can match that.

    By Anonymous Jon, at August 26, 2009 9:29 am  

  • again you're boasting about his size, it's nothing to be proud of if you're not skilled and he wasn't skilled.

    Plenty of wings would stop him today, Boks would put Spies there and he'd be completely nullified, England would put Banahan who's roughly the same size, Australia would put on Nasiganiyavi, France would use Bastareaud, Wales Roberts and so on and so forth. All these guys and big would reduce Lomu's influence to that of a bog standard skill-less wing.

    It's the real pro era now guys no easy rides.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 26, 2009 9:46 pm  

  • it takes plenty of skill in timing speed, strength and ball handling to be able to run through players as Mike Catt unfortunately experienced. Remember, he was barely 20 years old or maybe even 19 in 1995 RWC AND he was also an amateur in development! tell me of any wingers at that age who was able to do, command and captivate the game like him? the james o'connor's etc have the skill but not the presence that he did nor will they ever!

    he was a shear force of nature and lets admit it, whether he was playing against your team, he was the one you wanted to watch!

    By Anonymous MelbRebel, at March 20, 2010 2:30 am  

  • ^ Anon

    has spies, banahan, nasiganiyavi, bastareaud, roberts etc ever played games that resemble anything lomu did in his glory days? could you watch a game of theirs and think, he could take lomu one on one? the answer is f*ck no! the reason is because they would stand no chance against him one on one. deep down you know no one could touch him.

    spies = no step / too slow
    banahan = no step / too slow / uncoordinated
    nasiganiyavi = too small
    bastareaud = too small
    roberts = too small

    By Anonymous Speed, at March 20, 2010 2:38 am  

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